14 November 2010

A Parody

By Dr3

After making around 20 appearances in two years. After not playing a single minute this year. After being an Inter mascot from last season until now, Marco Materazzi anchored Inter Milan in a 4-4-2 diamond formation which hadn’t been used since the beginning of 2008/2009. Add to that Gareth Bale as Batman making a once water-tight Inter defense look like Joker henchmen, and we have a facking problem.

Rafael-Morattititis with a twist of Galliani?


Moratti has always been a laughing stock for the incredulous amounts of money he has spent over the years trying to change Inter from being the retarded cousin no one talks about, to a ‘team of champions’. He’s been wheel-&-dealed by Moggi to Galliani into either buying crap players, or selling talented ones. His fortunes changed when a certain Calciopoli removed the Old lady of Italian football from the Serie A, and in the process handed over the backsliders and Zlatans. Whether through his connections with everyone from Verizon to TSTT(or maybe even Jack Warner) or not, things were being said by Mr. Moggi on those wiretaps that shed some light as to why the overwhelming conspiracy in Serie A was that the Old Lady, tripled as a witch and a thief. Morratti became Robin Hood (Moggi being that Sheriff), and a ‘happily ever after’ was in queue. One of his merry men, Roberto Mancini as Will Scarlet, sold himself out of the marriage by openly being a Zlatan, i.e. a turncoat, openly professing some self-hatred after losing to a certain Rafael Benitez. Lives move on and Little John is cast; Jose Mourinho. With him at his side the nearly men Merry men, became winners of a treble. Adding some key elements to the band, they became a genuine threat, and not just a myth. Sherwood Forest became more a fortress, and any man would fear to go there. Then someone (Robin) caught a bug.

At this point the play ends.

Jose’s exit was a bit of a betrayal in itself. After talking up a pay rise and contract extension, he chose to leave while on top and shove a huge one in the Calcio media’s shall we say faces. Moratti was left with some decisions to make following many revelations during a tumultuous two year marriage that was Jose; Balotelli, Amantino Mancini, Quaresma. Granted. This is however where the arrogance, and hackneyed decision making of a ‘naive’ winner comes into play. At some point Moratti convinced himself that the team picks itself and runs itself. He convinced himself that even a waiter could win a treble with such players. He had a ‘team of champions’. He could sell the 10 goal, 5 assist substitute, the Portuguese misfit, refuse to reinforce the team, and hire the said waiter, and still turn out a champion team.


From one season in which Drogba was made to look like Elmander, we fast forward to the present and Caracciolo looks all too much like Van Basten. I have no more analogies. No more jokes. No more quips. This is a travesty. Self inflicted by a masochist. But maybe we’re being duped. Maybe he enjoyed the ‘rise’ and the thrill of stealing from the rich so much, that he wants to do it all over again. Or maybe the laughing stock fooled us; he’s really a comedian, and this is his swan song. Blame Rafa? I refuse to. Do I plot the murder of a rooster for crowing?


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09 November 2010

Decadence: The Evolution of Football Blogging

By Dr3

Football shouldn’t be elitist. Not the same football that drunken, bestiality-loving, poverty-riddened Garrincha played. Not the one that had a World Cup hosted in South Africa post-apartheid. Not that football at all. Usually my tirades are waged against disinformation by that Juve-loving Carlo Garganese, or the English press for their collective chauvinism and the whole “unproven flop until he plays here” mantra, sometimes even at Barcelona seeing as I “hate” them. This time though I write saddened and frankly a little irked.

I suppose my issue goes beyond football; I really dislike self indulgent people. Not in the pleasure seeking debauchery sense of indulgence, but more so people who feel the need to constantly prove they are more intelligent than others, ‘better’ than others; people who need to identify themselves as following a club that’s more than a club etc. ( Sorry, I’m serious though). I suppose it’s human nature to want to feel belonging to something special. It’s entered the blog world, for some time, and I guess I just needed to vent about it, and of course force-feed it to you. I suppose sickened by the existence of Goal.com’s and their audiences, several ‘intelligent’ writers set about righting the wrongs of football writing (I know, the irony of me, here, being a purist yet still pointing out Goal.com as insipid). The result; good writers robbing their own good writing, by self indulgence in being overly chichi.

Granted all blogging is somewhat self-serving. It’s a forum for your creativity/ perceived creativity/ self-professed demigod status. But when bloggers start writing in hieroglyphics about something like football it begs a resonating question: Why? Does goal.com dumb their content down to cater to a perceived dimwitted audience? Are these blogs then the answer to a polluted football blogosphere? Are they trying to valiantly display the other end of the spectrum: intelligent football writing void of whimsical declarations or void of Carlo? Is it really that noble? Is it that the blogosphere was so void of content suited to (and I quote) “highbrow” readers? Or maybe as I have taken it with whatever my affliction is; these writers with the powers vested in them by Apple and Windows alike, are continuing a disgusting trait of human nature.


Intelligence reveals itself, in coherence, and strength of ideas, not ostentatious vocabulary or philosophy. Not convoluted prose, and storytelling.

Some things are difficult to find analogous theories for; Magnetism, Particle acceleration, everything Actuary, Aggregate Theory. This is football though; there really is no need to go all Aristotle over an offside. It’s sad that people, who are tackling a lot of topics that need to be tackled the likes of which regular media outlets just do not, are restricting their audience. So while the majority are exposed to Cristiano vs. Messi debates, Gareth Bale as He-Man and the like. A select few discuss in their cultured circle the disgusting media practice of traits of one country on a certain continent being applied to all countries on that continent; you know Africa. After all, apparently only the opinions of PhD’s are valid in football or real-err issues in it. Interestingly though, the noble warriors restoring parity to this gulf in intelligent writing can’t remove comments completely, after all it is the source that tickles and satiates the egos, maybe even challenging it, so thoughts are expressed but encoded. The asinine comments of an unintelligent audience are beneath me, and taint my Picasso-like blog posts and as such this should be prevented.

Can it really be that narcissistic? Could it really be that those people are not good enough to even enter this forum? Is it really effective communication of ideas? As I understood it, the idea of a blog is to share your thoughts with an audience, an audience defined by the blogger. I guess that should suffice, but I really can’t grasp exclusivity to something as universal as football. Instead of an evolution of thoughts on classism, elitism and the like, we retrogress. I am better than you. My thoughts, issues, and ideas, although relevant to all, are only for a few.

Something like Apartheid?


Is it really that difficult to allow someone to comment even if its redundant/immature/stupid (unless it’s clearly defamatory/inflammatory)? Would it really be dumbing down to write for a wider audience?

Maybe, like parents talking in code in front of adolescents these writers could just be exercising their right to choose what’s right and wrong for others. It could just be something as capricious as them collectively wanting to live vicariously through the pseudonym Dicks. Maybe as my mother always said I could be over-analyzing something that really holds no similarity to anything sinister. Maybe as a black man the thought of purposeful restriction being openly hidden is repugnant, such that I'm being overly melodramatic. Of course I could just be venting my frustration at the fact that I need Wikipedia and a thesaurus to read about something, from people I no doubt admire, which I thought was mine.

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