22 May 2010

Melodrama: Season in Review

By Dr3

Sadly, I reduced myself to calling someone a “dummy” (dumb + eee). Sad not because I shouldn’t call people names, but more so because it was as mundane as saying Arsene Wenger has an eye for young talent. Make no mistake; if you genuinely believe Jose Mourinho deserved his three (3) match ban and fine for a gesture, then you my friend are an incredulously stupid, stupid human being. The circus provided to somehow envelope this proverbial wielding of the axe by the Italian federation, claiming that it wasn’t just his gesture but his ‘behavior’ is even more ‘Santa Babara’ than I can bare. No matter how childish his supposed antics were (as someone adequately put it he was guilty of “ROFL”), or how ‘shocking’ his gesture of ‘shackles’ were, you cannot "shouldn't be able to" punish a man for a gesture (that YOU have sinisterly interpreted), nor can "should you be able to" punish him for his personality (What of Mazzarri’s frequent on the ground antics, jacket throwing antics etc etc?).

[ Obviously we are not talking about fascist/racist/whatever-else signs, and vulgar antics, or attacking fourth officials etc.etc.]

Sadly again, for the more gullible ‘human beings’ out their (like the said dummy), the very next Serie A ‘giornata’, Fiorentina’s President very outwardly lambasted the quality of refereeing and even more overtly intimated that his team was being made victims in some ongoing conspiracy, coincidentally against the very AC Milan team that my ‘acquaintance’ supports. The punishment or fine? Non-existent. Maybe I missed the plot point in the previous Santa Babara episode.

What a difference 9 months can make

Liverpool’s season

So even without arms I should be able to swim freestyle faster than Phelps, otherwise I’m absolutely the worst ever. Now this is not to absolve Benitez of all his sins for firstly building a poor squad, and secondly spending a lot of money while doing so, but seriously; what did you expect from a team with so much injury troubles for an entire season? Arsenal lost two crucial players and their season went haywire. Manchester lost one player, and lost the race. Liverpool on the other hand should be able to overcome that and anything else, from groin injuries to beach balls. Liverpool did have a poor season, but with N’Gog and Babel playing as many minutes as they did, I really can’t muster any dramatic surprise sentiments.

Juventus’ season

Ranieri had to go. A year on and that could in fact be the worst decision ever made. Ranieri was no failure, but the expectations of the juventini was so detached from reality that anything less than an Inter shellacking in the league was unacceptable. With a transfer campaign that was initially touted as being genius, and a new coaching staff void of the poison that was Ranieri, Juve were set to return to her seat rightfully at the top of the table, or so it seemed. Great expectations, with very little in the way of objectivity, ultimately was the demise of juve. Flamboyantly skewed expectations from rookie Serie A campaigners, as well as the brat-ish behavior (from fans and the media alike) expected from the aloof ‘fans’ at Real Madrid, coupled to create the kind of tension that not even Mourinho (Mr. Siege Mentality according to Ranieri) would want on his team. Although as a Nerazzurro it was 'fun' to watch at first, it was sad seeing the "prima donna" fans and press alike, assassinate them while some within the hierarchy even played the Turin version of the Russian version of 'harakiri'.

Le voyeur comment/La Liga

The voyeur yet again was caught not minding and/or handling his own business. So instead of pondering the vast inability of his team to cope with the real ‘big games’, he instead chose to talk about the imbalance of La Liga. Instead of pondering why his team is filled with primary-schoolers, he sticks his hands into someone else’s fridge. Never mind that until this season (09-10) the Premiership could hardly boast about balance, even further never mind that your very team was made to look rather Wigan-esque (??) against a team whose stature you attempted to diminish, no Arsene, it is La Liga that is poor. I read it before and I’ll repeat it again, can we really say that Arsenal would do better in La Liga?

Platini is anti-England

Put on your rubber boots, because here comes the bullshit:

Platini hates England.

So yet again, never mind the unscrupulous business practices of ‘some’ Premier League clubs living above their means, it is Platini who like some tyrannical, witch-hunting, abusive step-mother, is picking on you for no reason whatsoever.

Ranieri – The Honorable One

They drew first blood, not me

I still haven’t found the word to describe the mob/cult mentality fused with patriotism that is the Italian ‘culture’. No matter what Ranieri says, no matter how he disparages his opponents or one particular opponent, it’s the opponent’s response that is over the top and disrespectful. Mourinho called him a 70 year old loser, and apparently everyone forgets that when Ranieri was questioned about JUVENTUS’ lack of wins, he responded with the very unveiled (not verbatim), I don’t need wins to feel secure about my work, "unlike Mourinho"(before Mourinho had ever said anything). Or maybe the most recent spat when Mourinho responded “it’s not my fault he was considered a loser”? So Mourinho makes a joke about Roma using the bonus money from not winning the cup to pay Siena (who already were being said to be receiving bonuses for playing spoiler to Inter), and Ranieri turns this into another opportunity to go at the man and not the organization. ‘Ticking bomb’ Mourinho takes the easy route creating siege mentalities instead of being an honorable and respectful man like himself. Again, is this not an attack on the man? The loser response was inevitable, but we still say Mourinho is the bad guy. Anyway, he then went on to one week later congratulate Inter and Morratti 50 times on the Scudetto without once ever mentioning Mourinho. Oh Ranieri you sly guy.

Prem verdict

The Premiership is the best spectacle in my opinion. Whether it’s because the commentary is better, the stadiums are more packed, the fact that I do speak English, the fact that you can tell Adebayor about his parents’ elephant’s-balls-cleaning affinity, or the sometimes frantic pace at which games are played is inconsequential; it is the best spectacle. It’s nice being able to watch games without allegiances. This season the football actually improved as well. For the first time in recent history the big four was shattered, and the general unpredictability level was raised by one point.

SerieA verdict

Typical flawlessness that is my wife in this world of football. Competitive, unpredictable, dramatic, beauty and beast, plot points, horrible biased dreary commentary, fog-filled cameras, big-minded small teams, loud mouthed presidents, scandals and paper bombs in the stadia adjacent to little kids. I know I love my wife.

Laliga verdict

It is admittedly the hardest kind of football to watch; reeking of inevitability. Yes, the league was imbalanced. Yes, it can hardly even attempt to boast unpredictability. Yes, Barca and Real are on their own little island outside of Spain. But no, the league is not garbage. As I said before if we are to try and use the performances in European competitions (which most do only when it favors them), then certainly if a team in 9th in an unbalanced league can still win the Europa League then it paints a scary prospect as to just how strong of a league it really is.


Sorry, I can’t watch that much football, I am ‘employed’. From the four-five matches a season that I manage to see (I do mean 90min), I must say the Bundesliga must be the most balanced league. Every season seems to throw a new team to the top, and never-ending reshuffling throughout the entire league. Just imagine, one year ago Wolfsburg were really really that good. Of course in some literary circles that only means your league is sub-par and probably can’t deal with the pace (EPL), technicality (ESP), or tactical diversity (ITA) of the best league in the world anyway (we are all guilty of shunning our German counterparts).

Castrol Ranking

Niang is better than Diego Milito......

Lazio – Inter vs Siena – Inter

Lazio – Inter: Shame on Lazio, you bad bad boys.
So Lazio FANS come out to play spoiler to Roma especially after the inherent classlessness of signore Purpone at the previous Roman Derby. They abused their own team when they tried to score, and openly supported and chanted as Inter came close to scoring. But what of the Lazio PLAYERS? I really hate lies. Simply put all the nonsense that has been written about that game as if it was thrown by anyone other than the fans are all vile lies. Zarate perhaps had his best game since 08/09, Kolarov seemed to be playing for Inter’s signature, while countless fouls were being committed by niggling Lazio players on Sneijder and Eto’o etc. Certainly a team that is simply playing to the detriment of another rather than their own pride wouldn’t be doing this. But the blogs and editorials emerged talking of the travesty to Italian football that it was etc etc.

Siena – Inter
I asked for parity before and yet again I was left cold and alone. I even had to deal with the unfathomable gall of some writers commending Siena for the way they played Inter. When Lazio supposedly played Inter with the intention to spoil Roma, it was a mockery. When Siena play Inter with the intention of spoiling Inter for Roma, we say bravo? Siena neither played for themselves, nor for their pride, nor for winning a football game. Instead they set up to stop Inter from winning in an attempt at making Roma champions, but that is a valiant effort? Never mind Siena fans celebrating when the news that Roma were leading filtered through such that Roma would have won the Scudetto had Inter not won, it’s bravo to Siena for a great defensive display.

I HATE fucking lies.

Chelsea – Liverpool

Admittedly I didn’t watch this game. But like the bulk of ‘fans’(usually, I'm a special one) I watched the highlights, and just as with Lazio - Inter, I must say it’s all a bunch of hogwash. Is it really that impossible for Stevie G; who has done it before, to misplace a back pass? Is it really that mind-boggling that Liverpool with their season would have a game in which they looked totally inept against THE ‘top side’? Certainly if Portsmouth could do it, Chelsea can.

Save Ronaldinho

So imagine you started watching football on January 1st 2008. Can you say you would guarantee Ronaldinho a spot on the plane much less the lineup? As a Serie A fan, I find it hard to listen to just how much crying is going on about his exclusion. For all his tricks and wizardry Ronaldinho is simply not dependable enough. I can point to many a game in this season alone in which he left much to be desired not just in output but in his determination to getting himself involved. Lack of versatility, lack of drive, no defensive work, propensity to disappearing and staying wherever he went etc etc. Where was he against Inter for example on both occasions in the league?

The saddest part of the whole Ronaldinho debacle for me is just how little respect is being shown to those who for me have earned their ticket via consistency for the Selecao. Robinho is simply outstanding in yellow. So is Fabiano, Kaka, Melo, etc etc. To drop any of these attacking players in itself is criminal to say the very least. Forgetting what we think he can contribute (based on 2002-2006), and realizing what we think he will contribute (2006-now), should really leave no doubt as to why he was and should have always been excluded.

Money can’t buy you..

Love? This season I hoped that there would be a victory for money, so that Arsene would finally stop being a miserly-voyeur. Chelsea won, but it was the Man City Champions league spot, and Real Madrid (although I despise the fantasy football like acquisitions) that were the apples of my eye. They failed, and so romantics can continue whining about the importance of homegrown this and that’s (Mes que un club, Mes que un club..). Anyway, money can buy you a page in history. Money can even buy you a history book. So while you feel privileged that your club poaches and attracts young talent based on their name, don’t disrespect those who have to acquire their talent and write their history using money.

When plans backfire........

Sorry UEFA, there isn't going to be a Barca - ManU repeat.

...And finally my darling Roonster

I’m through writing about you, you balding twenty-something. You’re great but Drogba had a better striking season than you.Period.

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